


Feathers of Love

by thejokinghatter



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angel Sam, Angel Wings, Boys In Love, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky is a little shit, Dissociation, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Smut, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attack, Pining, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam is a Little Shit, Self Esteem Issues, Self Harm, Smut, Trans Bucky, Trans Bucky Barnes, Trans Character, Wing AU, angel au, bucky is a pokemon master, bucky is a top, cursing, ftm Bucky, its gay, its super gay tbh, jk he just has wings, jk lel, like way after it, sam is an angel, so read the chapter descriptions bc thats where the warnings are, the bad stuff is warned tho, transgender character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejokinghatter/pseuds/thejokinghatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has wings & Bucky is in love</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I know its a bad title but like I suck at titles so  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> my beta reader is myself lel, so all mistakes still in here are 100% my own

Bucky knows two things for sure; Sam's wings will be the death of him, and that he would do A Lot to be able to run his fingers over the dark brown falcon feathers. The want to touch Sam's wings comes at the most inconvenient of times, like when they were in the middle of sparring or a big fight. Sometimes the thought would come into his head when Sam was just sitting on the couch or when he was fixing his feathers. It was slowly driving Bucky crazy. He started doing whatever possible to brush against the soft feathers, including squeezing past Sam when he could go around the kitchen island instead and moving Sam's wings from an area on the couch when he could sit somewhere else. 

Of course, Sam has long since realized what Bucky's doing. Between the longing glances at his wings and the ways Bucky came up with to low-key touch his wings it wasn't hard to figure out. However, he didn't say anything to the other man for fear of making it awkward. Plus, he sorta likes the touch. Okay, maybe he really likes the touch, but he's not going to admit that any time soon. So whenever Bucky sits on the couch with Sam he casually stretches out his wings so one lays out on Bucky's lap. Which is what he is currently doing.

Bucky's been sitting for maybe three minutes before Sam stretches, stretching his wings out as well. Considering the wings need to support a grown man, the span of the wings is quite large. Meaning they stretch well into Bucky's space when Sam stretches. 

"What the fuck dude," comes Bucky's voice from beside Sam, after he let his wing just sit in his space. 

"Come on man, you know my wings get cramped after a while. You can move if you have such a problem with it." Sam knows Bucky doesn't really mind but hey, if he's going to act like he minds then Sam will play along. 

Bucky doesn't respond to that but he doesn't get up either. Sam counts it as a win. Its an even bigger win when, a few minutes later, Bucky starts mindlessly playing with his feathers. They watch the television in comfortable silence for a while, Sam fully relaxed as Bucky plays with his feathers. He gets so relaxed that he falls asleep on the couch, wing still on Bucky's lap.

Buck doesn't mind much and he keeps playing with Sam's feathers while he sleeps. But once he knows Sam fell into the deepest sleep-- he had that shit timed so he knew when he could stop creeping around the house-- he starts creeping his hand up the wing on his lap. He was always curious of how Sam's wings grew from his back, but he hasn't ever asked him about it in fear of overstepping a boundary. But now that Sam's in deep sleep, he can look at where his wings meet his back without freaking Sam out and he wouldn't have to know. 

He trails his hand up the top bone of the wing, until he reaches Sam's back. Then he gently pushes the other man down so he could see his back clearly. It's not the first time that Bucky's seen the places that the wings met his back, since Sam likes to walk around shirtless, but it's the first time he could feel them. He lightly runs his flesh finger over the raised area of skin, marveling at how nicely the wings fit into his back.

His fingers are still tracing the raised skin around the wings when he hears a noise. Immediately he pulls his hand back, but when he doesn't hear anything else he starts touching the areas again. A few seconds later of Bucky's touch he hears the noise again. It sounds like... a moan? But Bucky and Sam are alone and Bucky definitely didn't moan. Bucky's about to write the moan off when he hears it again, followed by a soft sigh. He looks at Sam, really looks at him, and realizes that he must be having some sort of wet dream because he's half hard. 

Out of curiosity, Bucky starts rubbing both areas on Sam's back, nodding when Sam moans louder and shifts, still not waking. Bucky files away this bit of information for a later time (hopefully). He's about to pull his hands away when Sam stiffens, his breath hitching. There was no way that Sam hasn't woken up from that. So Bucky runs out of the room, as silently as possible, before Sam opens his eyes. He's upstairs by the time he hears Sam actually moving around. 

Sam groans, running his hand down his face. He then realizes why he woke up and casts a semi-panicked look around the room to make sure that Bucky isn't also there. He breathes out a sigh of relief at the absence of the other man. It was a dream of him and Bucky that had caused him to cum in his pants-- at least, that's what he thought-- so it would have been awkward to see Buck right after waking up, especially given how he woke up. 

With a second groan, Sam pushes himself off the couch for a shower. He quietly pads into the kitchen to grab a glass of water before heading up the stairs to the bathroom. Thankfully, the bathroom was before Bucky's room so he doesn't have to risk seeing the other man just yet. Sam ducks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and strips out of his pants and boxers. Then he turns on the water, waits for it to get warm, and gets in. 

Bucky sighs a breath of relief at not having to see Sam, not sure at how he'd take to seeing the man just yet. He lays on his side on his bed, curling up around his phone, pulling up Tumblr. No one he knows in person really know about Social Media Bucky but shit, over half a million people do. He had to bribe Tony not to tell anyone when he found Bucky's Twitter during a mission one time. It's not that his Twitter or Tumblr and such are full of porn or embarrassing stuff, it's mainly just memes, but it's something that he has to himself. 

He refreshes his dashboard and scrolls through for a while but when he doesn't find anything really interesting he closes out of the app and openes Pokémon GO. It's another one of his guilty pleasures. He already has about 70% of the Pokédex completed, thanks to the different places he needs to go for missions. When Bucky disappears after a mission it's usually to go scout out the surrounding areas for Pokémon. He has gotten Natasha hooked on it as well and they usually go out Poké Scouting together, whenever she's in town. 

However, she isn't in town so Bucky has to go scouting alone. There aren't many Pokémon in the area that Bucky doesn't already have but he knows that if he catches multiples he can trade the lower CP ones to Professor Willow (talk about a real daddy _holy gods_ ) for candies and things. So, Bucky gets up and heads out of his room to grab a water bottle and go scouting. 

Sam, of course, had just gotten out the shower when Bucky got up. He wraps a towel around his waist and one around his neck, for his hair, and then steps out of the bathroom. And directly into Bucky's path. They collide with a thud and Sam almost falls but Bucky, of course, catches him. He then pulls Sam up, almost causing his towel to fall off.

"Shit, sorry dude." Sam says, fixing his towel and shaking out his wet wings. "I didn't know you were out here."

Bucky's mouth goes dry at the sight of Sam shaking out his wings and his wet, bare chest. "I uh- It's okay. I probably should have been paying more attention."

"Nah, it's my fault man." Sam then notices that Bucky is dressed, phone in hand, and raises an eyebrow. "You going out?"

"Yeah," Bucky says, struggling to come up with an excuse. "I'm just.. going for a walk." It was technically true.

"You okay man? You've been going on walks a lot more than usual and sometimes you're not back for hours." 

Shit. Sam had noticed. Bucky takes longer walks when there are Pokémon that he doesn't yet have or he's stopping to battle in a gym. So far he rules two out of the four nearby gyms. It'll be three soon. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just like the air and stuff." 

It's a weak excuse but Sam won't push it. Maybe Bucky was seeing someone he doesn't want Sam to know about. But why wouldn't he want Sam to know? Not that Sam really _wants_ to know. The thought of Bucky seeing someone bothers Sam for some reason. "All right man. Be careful."

Sam always says that nowadays and while Bucky is/was the Winter Soldier and could mostly handle himself, he enjoyed the sentiment in the statement. "I will be." 

With that, Bucky side steps Sam and continues down the stairs, heading into the kitchen. He grabs a cold water bottle from the fridge and some snacks before heading outside, Pokémon GO tracking him as he walks. 

Sam walks into his room and starts drying off with his towel, putting on lotion almost immediately after he's dry. Then he pulls on boxers and a pair of sweat pants, leaving the rest of his body bare. It's a hassle getting shirts on over his wings so he tries not to do it unless he really needs to. After a moment, the man makes his way downstairs, grabs a snack from the kitchen, and sits down to play some video games. 

* * *

It's three hours later when Bucky finally gets back home. He's sweaty and tired but happy. There were a lot of cool Pokémon out and he formed an alliance with a nineteen year old. They gave each other tips on where to find the good Pokémon and the nearest Poké Stops with lures. It was pretty cool. 

Sam is startled when Bucky practically slams the door open, panting. He's up from the floor and racing towards the other man in seconds. 

"Bucky?" He asks, worry clear in his voice. "What's wrong?"

It's a few moments before Bucky answers. "Nothin', Sam, calm down. I just opened the door a little harder than I meant to."

"Why are you panting then?"

"Because I just got done jogging for three hours in this damn heat, bird brain."

Sam rolls his eyes and huffs. He turns on his heels and begins walking back to the living room, making sure that one of his wings 'accidentally' smacks Bucky. A smirk makes its way onto his face when he hears Bucky's sharp "Sam!"

He starts cleaning up his mess, preparing to head to bed since it's eleven at night. It's likely that Sam won't actually fall asleep for another hour but he likes to sit in his bed and play around on his phone until he's tired enough to sleep. He hears Bucky taking his shoes off and then making his way upstairs, probably for a shower. 

Sam's assumption is conformed when he hears the shower running a few minutes later. He finishes tidying up and then heads upstairs, closing his door once he's inside his room. Stretching, he makes his way to his bed, leaving a trail of clothes on the way. He's just in his boxers by the time he collapses onto his bed, on his side so his wings are comfortable. 

He grabs his phone from his bedside table and unlocks it, revealing a picture of him and Bucky as the screensaver. Bucky still doesn't know that that is the background picture on Sam's phone; he makes sure that he doesn't. Sam doesn't want to have to explain why he chose that picture. It'd be embarrassing to tell the other man that he chose it because Bucky was actually smiling in it and he looks so damn happy. The metal arm around Sam's shoulders is a good perk too. 

Sam studies the picture for a second more before opening a cooking game he downloaded earlier in the day but hadn't got to try out. The animation is cute and pretty good which is nice. And he got to customize himself and one other character, which he always loves. Of course, he designs the other character after Bucky because the sight of Bucky cooking was something out of a magazine on seduction. Also maybe because he liked the thought of Buck being his right hand man.

He ends up playing the game until he passes out, an hour and a half later. The game is downright addicting, with the happy little tune and cute animation. It isn't hard but it isn't incredibly easy as well, which Sam is thankful for. The happy little tune continues to play as Sam sleeps, since he fell asleep playing it. 

* * *

 It's three am when Bucky wakes up. He hears screaming and something hitting the floor. Then he hears the broken cry of "Bucky!", followed by more screaming. He's out of his bed in a flash, thudding to source of the screaming; Sam's room. Bucky nearly breaks the door down as he slams into the room, eyes wide and looking for someone who shouldn't be there. But all he sees is Sam thrashing around his bed, wings half outstretched and knocking things over. There are some feathers on the floor, probably from when Sam started thrashing. Bucky loudly approaches the bed in an attempt to not startle Sam too much, carefully ducking under the brown wing that comes dangerously close to smacking him in the face. 

"Sam," Bucky says, voice soft but loud. When he doesn't respond and continues to thrash about Bucky says his name again, this time louder. After that, he kneels on the other side of the bed and gently shakes Sam's shoulder. 

Sam wakes with a shout and, thinking that he's being attacked, he shoots his wing out, aiming to knock whoever was on his bed in the face to buy him some time to get up. But the person catches his wing, making him furious. Who did this person think they are? In one fluid motion, Sam pushes himself up from the bed and wrenches his wing from the hold, taking flight in his own room. He doesn't have enough room to fully extend his wings but he can extend them enough to rise off the bed.

Bucky doesn't know how to react. He knows that if he moves he'll be attacked. He doesn't know how hearing his voice will make Sam react but he isn't eager to try it out. But, it's his best chance. 

Just as Bucky's about to open his mouth Sam shouts, "I won't let you take him!" 

The winged man drives his feet into Bucky's chest, sending him flying off the side of the bed. He lets his body follow the kick, falling towards Bucky, who had landed on his back on the floor a few feet away from the bed. Sam quickly straddles Bucky's chest, raising his fist to hit the man below him. 

"Sam!" Bucky cries out. "Sam, it's me! It's Bucky!" He's hoping that this will at least stall the man above him. 

Sam freezes, his fist halfway to hitting Bucky. It's his name that makes its way through Sam's cloudy mind first. Then it's the sound of his voice. He drops his fist and sits back, starting to hyperventilate. Tears prick at his eyes, threatening to fall. 

'Bucky's _safe. He's safe and he's underneath me and there's no one fighting us, there's no one trying to take him._ ' Sam thinks, starting to shake. The nightmare he had been having makes its way into his head and then suddenly, Sam's crying, hands clutching at Bucky's bare chest.

He's still sobbing when Bucky slowly sits up, wrapping an arm around Sam's body. Then he slowly gets up, careful not to jostle the crying man too much. His metal arm goes under Sam's butt as he stands, to keep Sam from sliding down his body. Sam buries his face in Bucky's neck, sobbing openly, his wings wrapping around them both since Sam's hands are still against Bucky's chest. Bucky walks them to the bed, rubbing Sam's lower back with his thumb. 

He climbs onto the bed awkwardly but he's able to make his way to the wall. Then he sits with his back against the wall, Sam's wings cushioning his back from it. He's careful to not put too much pressure on them. Sam's in his lap, crying into his neck still. Bucky continues to rub his lower back, staring to murmur things like "It's okay", "Shhh, you're okay, I'm okay", and "Come on doll, relax." 

Sam cries himself back to sleep in Bucky's arms, too out of it to feel embarrassed.

* * *

Sam wakes first the next morning, yawning softly. He gets a brief moment of panic at the fact that he's sitting on someone's lap, head in the crook of their neck, wings around them both. But then he remembers the events of that night, which causes him to groan and set his forehead back onto Bucky's shoulder. 

At the sound of Sam's groan Bucky stirs. The feeling of the other man moving slightly in his arms makes him crack open an eye. He watches Sam-- who seems not to have noticed that Bucky woke--for a moment before breathing in deeply. That gets Sam to look up at him, eyes wide. 

"Mornin' bird man," Bucky says, voice groggy and scratchy. 

Sam melts quite a bit at the sound of Bucky's voice. He always does, especially when Bucky hasn't been up for a while. "Morning metal man," Sam responds after a moment. 

Bucky cracks a smile at the name. "What time is it?" 

"I don't know, do I look like a clock to you?"

Bucky rolls his eyes and grabs Sam's phone from the bed. It isn't out of charge, which is surprising. He clicks on the screen and groans almost immediately.

"What?" Sam asks.

"It's only seven o-fucking-clock."

"Oh. This is usually when I get up."

Bucky wrinkles his nose, making a face. "What the fuck dude." He usually doesn't get up until noon but doesn't even get out of bed until at least one. 

Sam shrugs and pulls his wings out from behind Bucky, moving to get up. Bucky wraps his flesh arm around Sam's waist, holding him in place.

"Stay," comes Bucky's voice, soft and vulnerable. "Please."

Bucky doesn't know where the request came from but he's too confused to take it back. Maybe it's the fact that Sam being so close to him feels so right. Or maybe it's how warm Sam is or how content Bucky feels with Sam's body pushed against him.

Sam is thrown off by the request but after a minute he shifts so his back is against the wall, next to Bucky. Then he gestures from Bucky to his own body. If Sam's staying Bucky is going to be cuddling into Sam. After a second of confusion, Bucky moves in front of Sam, his back to the other man. He settles in, back pressed against Sam's bare stomach, head resting against his chest. His hand finds its way down to Sam's leg and he rests it there, his metal hand on his own thigh.

Sam lets himself smile contentedly down at Bucky, thankful that he stayed in bed. He's going to have to do extra wing stretches but he doesn't mind. Maybe he can get Bucky to stretch with him. His hand finds its way into Bucky's hair and his other arm drapes down Bucky's shoulder, dangling onto his chest. He runs his fingers through Bucky's hair, giving his scalp a light scratch whenever before he ran his fingers through his hair again. It's soft and silky, letting Sam's fingers glide through easily. 

Bucky wines softly, titling his head into Sam's touch. It feels  _so good_. It's making him relax into a pile of pudding, leaning more into Sam's warm body. His eyes close and he slowly drifts off into a soft, comfortable sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this came out to be angstier than I expected tbh  
> I'm sorry  
> ALSO this is v important. there is self harm, a panic attack, & mild dissociation in this chapter, all by Bucky. The part where these things take place is separated off by a row of these dots ( ················· ). The scene isn't very detailed but it includes cutting & a knife so don't read if it'll trigger you. There's also minimal internalized transphobia from Bucky in that scene (it's legit like 3 sentences) toward the beginning so be aware of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't beta read this bc I'm a lazy fuckin piece of shit fight me  
> if there's any mistakes lemme know & ill fix them

It's a week later when things start going wrong. It had been a good week, full of unspoken 'i love you''s in the things they did and the things they said. The words were there when Sam told Bucky to be careful or to text him when he got to the store or wherever he was going and when he made Bucky's favorite food when he knew he had a rough day or night. The words were there when Bucky caressed Sam's wing or when he visited Sam at the VA for lunch or when he fell asleep curled around the other man.

Sam doesn't know what's going on but he wants to. He's not sure if he did something wrong or if he said something Bucky didn't like but for some reason, Bucky had started to pull away. At the beginning of the week he had woken up to Bucky getting out of bed, pulling on sweatpants, and leaving the house. The man had also been cutting dinner short, going out for walks more than usual, and denying Sam's touch more than he had been in  _months_. 

To be frank, it was bothering the hell out of Sam. He wanted to know what the fuck was going on so he could try to fix it. It had come to his attention that he  _missed_ Bucky's fingers on his feathers, both real and not, the snarky replies, and the almost constant touch. 

He's still deep in thought when Bucky enters the kitchen, stretching. Bucky doesn't say goodmorning. In fact, he relatively ignores Sam sitting at the table and busies himself with pouring a cup of fresh coffee. 

Sam watches him for a moment before speaking up. "Did I do something to piss you off?" he asks, eyes trained on the back of Bucky's head. 

The question catches him off guard. "What?"

"You've been weird and distant lately. You don't talk to me nearly as much, you don't laugh at any of my jokes, and you avoid me whenever possible, even if that means staying out of the house for hours on end. So did I do something wrong?"

"It's not my fault your jokes aren't funny," Bucky replies instinctively. He realizes, as he's saying it, that that wasn't the right thing to say.

Sam stays silent after that. He gets up after draining the rest of the coffee from his cup and turns to leave the kitchen. 

"Sam-" Bucky starts.

"Call me when you're done being a douchebag and you're ready to fix whatever the fuck I did," Sam interrupts. He didn't mean to be so hostile but he was hurt that Bucky didn't take him seriously and had blown him off. 

On his way out of the door, Sam grabs the jacket and shirt that he had left on the back of the couch from the day before and his shoes. After closing the door behind him he takes off into the sky, his wings carrying him up until he's in the clouds.

* * *

Bucky's left in the kitchen, holding the mug of now lukewarm coffee, wishing he could go back in time and change what had just happened. He sets the mug down on the counter and runs his hand over his face, sighing deeply. 

Sam hadn't actually  _done_ anything. It was just Bucky being stupid that had messed everything up. The thing is, Bucky doesn't want to ruin whatever thing he and Sam have. More often than not, the two men are cuddling in some sense of the word. Sometimes it's Bucky's legs on Sam's lap or Sam laying across Bucky's lap or sometimes it's full on spooning. Bucky likes those times best. Sam's just always so  _warm_ and Bucky's always so damn  _cold_. And Sam's touch always feels so nice. It's always soft and gentle and full of caring. Bucky loves the way it feels. He loves the way Sam asks him for permission before touching him and always makes sure he's making noise so that Bucky doesn't think he's an intruder. He loves the way Sam runs his fingers through his hair, over his limbs when they're cuddling. He just loves Sam in general. 

And that's the problem. He's head over heels in love with Sam Wilson and he knows that Sam isn't head over heels in love with fucked up, ex assassin, Bucky Barnes. The realization had hit him earlier in the week. He was curled into Sam as the little spoon of the night when he got the urge to close the small gap between the two of them. There was always a gap, unless one of them had a nightmare, so that it wasn't as intimate. 

The urge had come out of nowhere and Bucky had had to stop himself from pulling away from the embrace of the other man. Instead, he had thought about Sam and how much he had grown to care about him. A few moments later the realization had hit Bucky and that had been enough to get him out of Sam's grasp and out of the house. 

···························································

Bucky sighs again, wondering why he thought Sam wouldn't notice him being distant. Of course he'd notice, Bucky lives at his house for fucks sake. It's just that he knows that Sam doesn't think of him that way. He can't. Sam is a saint and is so  _good_ and full of love. But Bucky's just...Bucky. He's fucked up and broken and full of scars. He doesn't even have a dick. 

Sam doesn't know that but Bucky's sure that when Sam finds out he'll think Bucky's disgusting. He'll kick him out and will laugh at him for not being a Real Man*. 

Suddenly, Bucky can't breathe. His lungs aren't working, he can't breathe he can't breathe  _he can't breathe_. Everything's too much, it's too overwhelming. The scent of Sam but his absence, the fact that he drove him out of his own house and didn't even try to stop him, the fact that he was so  _broken_. No one could ever love him, no would ever love him. No one even cares about him, they all just pretend. Sam just thinks he's a burden, he's just waiting for Bucky to leave so he doesn't have to worry about him, he'll be able to sleep the whole night through and he'll be able to be happy. 

Bucky's vaguely aware that his hand is moving towards the knife drawer through the haze of his panic attack. He doesn't realize that his hand is gripping a knife until it's against his flesh arm, shaking etching a line into it. He watches the blood seep out of the cut and then he does it again, lower down. And again. And again. He doesn't stop until he can breathe again and the voices in his head have gone silent. There are six scraggly lines in his forearm, towards the crease of his elbow. 

He drops the knife and goes into autopilot. He's no longer aware of what he's doing, he just knows that he's bleeding and he needs to stop. His legs carry him to the upstairs bathroom, where he pulls out the first aid kit and opens it on the counter. First he pulls out Neosporin, then bandages. Bucky washes the cuts out with some water, applies the Neosporin, and bandages the wounds. Then he puts everything back, sets the kit back under the sink, and moves to his room where he pulls on a sweatshirt. The sleeves almost cover his fingers and he instinctively starts toying with the sleeve cuffs. The left one is fraying a bit from other episodes. 

Slowly, Bucky comes back to himself as he's washing the kitchen floor and the knife of his blood.

···························································

Bucky pulls out his phone and texts Sam. 

[Text To: BirdBrain; When are you coming home?] 

Bucky waits for a minute but when he doesn't get a reply he locks his phone and stuffs it into his pocket. He then makes his way to the living room, where he collapses onto he couch and turns on the television. It's set to the cooking channel since that's what he and Sam had been watching last. Bucky doesn't change the channel. It's a rerun of an episode of Chopped but it's one that Bucky hasn't seen so he doesn't mind much. At some point he doses off on the couch to the sound of chefs cooking. 

* * *

He wakes up in the middle of the night and groans, rolling over to check the time. His phone screen reads 3:14am and tells him he has a message from Sam. He clicks it open. 

[Text From: BirdBrain; I don't know.] 

It's time stamped at 9:30pm. Bucky sighs and debates texting him back when he hears rustling at the door. He immediately switches onto high alert, wishing that all his guns weren't upstairs. The closest knife is in the kitchen but Bucky wouldn't be able to make it to the kitchen before the intruder made it into the door. Therefore, Bucky silently slid off the couch and onto the floor where he couldn't be seen from the door. 

He listened as the lock clicked open and the door swung open softly. Footsteps, soft ones, padded into the house, followed by the sound of the door closing and keys being set onto the table by the door. Wait. Keys? He listens for the person's heartbeat as they walk towards the couch and he recognises the pattern immediately.

"Sam?" He asks, standing up from the floor.

Startled, Sam jumps back, wings unfurling and fists raising. After a moment he realizes it's Bucky and calms down, pulling his wings back in. "Fuck, Barnes. What have I told you about scaring me shitless?"

Bucky gives a small smirk at that and flicks on the living room lights by the nearby light switch. "I thought you were an intruder."

"Oh. I just forgot my charger. Ill be gone again in a minute."

The lack of sun and life in Sam's voice made Bucky feel awful. Sam started making his way to the stairs and Bucky said "Sam, wait" a little louder than he had meant to.

Sam stopped and Bucky could hear the intake of breath before he turned to face him. "Yeah?" The question wasn't too friendly but Bucky supposes he deserves it. 

"Don't go again. Please." Bucky's eyes are pleading, showing more emotion than he would have liked but at the moment he couldn't care less. " _Please_."

Sam hesitates before answering. "Are you going to talk to me about what's going on if I do?"

"Yes." The answer is immediate. Bucky didn't know if he was ready to tell Sam but if he had to to keep Sam from leaving again he'd bare his soul for him to see. 

Buck watches the man walk towards him and sit on the chair near the couch. "Okay," came Sam's voice as he sat down. There was a pang of hurt that Sam didn't sit next to him on the couch but he didn't blame the man for his choice. "Talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *: I am not saying that dudes without dicks aren't real men. like at all. this is just internalized transphobia from Bucky. don't send my trans ass hate abt this pls  
> I'm sorry it was so short jskddkdkdkk  
> u can contact me @ gh0st--babe.tumblr.com  
> come scream to me abt shit n send me cool stuff  
> leave me nice comments n shit pls thank u


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's porn in this *wiggles eyebrows*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> screams I'm writing this and beta reading at the same time bc I'm lazy so there'll prolly be mistakes lel

"There's shit I haven't been telling you," Bucky starts. He watches Sam raise his eyebrow as to say 'No shit Sherlock' and Bucky rolls his eyes at him. "Most of its not too bad, it's shit that no one really knows because they don't need to." Well, that and he's always scared shitless that people will reject him for said shit. 

"However, you have a right to know. Especially with what I'm going to say after this." Sam opens his mouth to say something and Bucky cuts him off. "Do me a favor and shut up until I'm done, okay?" The other man has no reason to be doing Bucky any favors but he obliges anyways, shutting his mouth. 

Bucky stops for a moment after that, collecting his thoughts. He doesn't even know how to say all this. Maybe he'll just start slow and explain everything calmly and collectively. Yeah. That sounds good.

"I wasn't always named Bucky-- James, I mean. I used to have a different name, the one I got at birth. And I didn't always have a flat chest. I didn't always have a deep voice or get called 'he'. I was born with the name Jessica and I was born with a vagina. I was born a female." At this point Bucky is looking down, not out of shame but out of fear of Sam's face. He doesn't look up before continuing. "It was a terrifying time, growing up as a transgender teenager. I was faced with a lot of hate and violence. But I was lucky to have a momma who didn't care. She just wanted me to be happy. So she helped me pick my name and she got me more masculine clothes so I felt comfortable. And after a bit I started binding my chest with scrap fabric to keep it flat. I guess I was blessed, in a way, by not developing a bigger chest. It was easier to bind. 

We reintroduced me as James Buchanan Barnes after the summer of seventh grade. Steve stuck with me the whole time, fought fights for me that he knew he couldn't win. He helped me clean my stuff up when other people knocked them down and he never got my name or pronouns wrong. Ever. I ended up going into the army medically listed as a female but everyone knew me to be a male. I didn't tell many people, if anyone at all."

Bucky stops for a moment, wishing he had water. His mouth is absurdly dry right now. But he knew he needed to continue. "When HYDRA got me I still was binding with fabric. They did the surgery to get me a flat chest while they attached my arm. They also gave me a testosterone replacement so I could bulk up and look more masculine. When I asked them why they said that they didn't want an ugly girl, they wanted a man. It's a shame they didn't give me a dick, though." He said with a dry laugh. 

"You're probably wondering why I felt the need to tell you that, since I've been okay not telling you for a while now. But the thought of you not being okay with this has been eating me alive for the past while and I guess I just need to know whether or not you're okay with this before the 'what if's eat me alive."

He takes a deep breath, calming himself, before continuing on. "And I needed to tell you because I've been head over heels for you for a while now. I didn't really realize it until about a week ago but it makes some things, feelings mainly, make a lot more sense. I know it's highly unlikely that you feel the same way, which is why I've been pulling away some, but in case you do I needed you to know that I'm transgender first." 

At this point in time Bucky is shaking. He lightly clenches his fists to keep from showing that he's shaking. His eyes still haven't lifted to look at Sam's face. 

Silence falls over them after Bucky stops speaking and he's honestly terrified of what Sam's thinking. Of how he'll react. He could kick him out. He could laugh at him. Maybe he'll trick him into thinking for a moment that his feelings are reciprocated. 

"Shut up," came Sam's voice, startling Bucky a bit. "I can hear you overthinking from over here. I just need a second to think." 

That doesn't calm Bucky down much but he pushes the thoughts of what could happen out of his head as he waits for Sam's response. He's about to start overthinking again when Sam finally speaks. 

"I don't care that you're transgender. I know it is a big part of who you are and it's made your life harder than that of a cisgender person but it doesn't affect my opinion of you at all. If anything, it makes me have a greater understanding of the shit you've been through." He pauses for a second before continuing. "You should have told me earlier though. Not about you being transgender, you had every right to not tell me, but about you being practically in love with me. It would have made my life a whole lot easier." 

Bucky sighs out a small breath of relief at Sam's words. He doesn't care. But at Sam's addition he tilts his head. "What?" he asks in confusion. 

Sam rolls his eyes and motions for Bucky to come to him. So Bucky stands and moves towards Sam, confused as hell. Sam watches him the whole way and when Bucky is in front of him he reaches up, grabs a fist full of Bucky's shirt, and tugs him down to him. Bucky's about to protest but then he feels lips on his, effectively shutting him up. His eyes open in surprise and the sight before him makes him shutter. Sam's eyes are closed, his lips pressed against Bucky's, moving against his. Bucky hums softly and focuses on kissing Sam, eyes closing and his flesh hand moving up to caress the other man's cheek. 

He's too caught up in the moment that he doesn't realize that he's now straddling Sam's lap, Sam's hands on his ass. The other man's hands make their way up from Bucky's ass to under his shirt, roaming his back hungrily. Bucky moans softly, breaking the kiss so he could attack Sam's neck. He presses his lips to the soft space where Sam's jawline met his neck, sucking on the area lightly. A few seconds later Bucky moves down on the other man's neck, kissing the skin before sucking on it. He has no idea if the hickies will show up but he is sure as hell going to try. 

Sam's breath hitches when Bucky's lips touch his neck, followed by a moan he couldn't have kept in if he tried. His fingers dig into Bucky's back, short finger nails raking down the skin. He feels Bucky shudder and moan against his neck, making his cock twitch in his pants. Of course, Bucky feels this. And of course he's going to use that against Sam. 

"Aww, do you like hearing me moan?" Bucky half whispers into Sam's ear, his voice low and gravely. 

Shit. Sam's breath hitches again. That voice is going to be the death of him. And if Bucky keeps the talking up he's going to end up being a ball of putty pretty soon. 

At Sam's lack of response he bites his neck, calling attention back to himself. "I asked you a question," he growls. "I expect an answer." 

Sam almost whines. Almost. His back arched though, when Bucky bit his neck. This man was too good at figuring out what drove Sam over the edge. "Y-yes," he chokes out, stuttering when he feels Bucky kiss where he had bitten him. 

Bucky hums happily and sets in on trailing kisses down Sam's neck, grinding his hips down onto Sam's crotch at the same time. When Sam tries to grind up against him he bites his neck again, pushing his hips down. "Stay still." 

Sam whines, arching his back again. This is just plain torture. Of course he likes it but  _holy fuck_. He does his best to keep his hips still though, letting Bucky take charge. 

When he reaches the hem line of Sam's shirt he pulls back, hips becoming still. He takes Sam's shirt off, careful to not to pull out any feathers or get his wings caught. As soon as the shirt is off and on the floor Bucky's hands are roaming his back, lightly dragging his nails across Sam's skin. It has Sam panting and biting his bottom lip, his hands lightly clutching at the arms of the chair they are in. 

But then Bucky's nails scrape over the spots in which Sam's wings meet his back and good gods, does he moan. It's loud and completely unexpected, somewhat startling Bucky. It only takes him a few seconds to understand what had provoked such a moan and once he does a sly grin makes its way across his face. He drags his nails across the area again, then rubs his fingers against the skin. 

Sam moans loudly again, fingers digging into the couch arms. "Bucky," he moans, pleading.

"Look at you, moaning my name like a slut," Bucky growls, trying to hide just how much that had turned him on. "You are a slut, aren't you?"

Sam shivers. He had forgotten just how much dirty talk like this turned him on. There's a slight hesitation before Sam answers. "Yes." 

"Yes what?"

Sam bites his lip. He's not sure what Bucky wants to hear so he decides to play it safe. "Yes sir." 

At the grin Bucky gives him he knows he answered correctly. Bucky moves a hand to caress Sam's cheek again. "You're such a pretty slut. You follow orders so well," he purrs. He then leans in and kisses Sam's neck, under the end of his jawline. "Tell me if I'm taking things too far," he whispers into Sam's ear before pulling away. 

Sam nods to show that he heard him and understands. He bites his bottom lip, waiting for Bucky to speak again. But he doesn't. Instead, Bucky slides off of his lap and to the floor in front of him. He tilts his head a bit in confusion but he understands when Bucky starts undoing the buckle on his belt and undoing his pants. 

With a slight tug Sam lifts his ass up, allowing Bucky to get his pants and boxers down. He sits back down and lifts his thighs up so that Bucky can fully take his clothes off. Once he's done with that Bucky sits on his legs in between Sam's legs, hands resting on the man's thighs. 

"You're so hard for me, Sam," Bucky purrs, eyeing his cock. "Maybe I should help you relieve some of that tension. Would you like that?" 

Sam catches his drift immediately, by the way he's eyeing his cock. "Yes sir," Sam says, trying not to seem too excited but also not excited enough. 

"Hmm..." Bucky wraps his hand around the base of Sam's cock and leans in, slowly licking all the way up his length, keeping eye contact the entire time. Sam shudders, his hands tightening on the seat's arms. "Aww, you're so cute when you're turned on." 

Sam blushes lightly, eyes shifting away from Bucky's. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, taking a deep breath. 

"Uh-uh, pet. If you want this--" Bucky stops to lick up Sam's length again-- "you have to look at me and you can't hold in any sounds. At all." 

His words make Sam whine but he turns his head back to look at Bucky. He sees him grin before his mouth is around Sam's cock, his head bobbing up and down as he wastes no time. Sam moans, his eyes following Bucky's head. Bucky sucks harder, hollowing his cheeks and using his tongue to run along the underside of his cock. 

Sam's a panting, moaning mess only a minute later. His hands are clutching at the chair arms and he's trying his best to not close his eyes. But then, he's being tugged down, so his back and head are on the seat of the chair, the lower half of his body hanging off the seat. 

He squeaks at the suddeness of it and then speaks. "Sir, I can't see you this way."

"I don't care," Bucky growls. He puts two fingers in his mouth, getting them wet as he uses his hand to jack Sam off.

It's not until they are thoroughly wet that Bucky takes them out of his mouth and positions them at Sam's entrance. Then he slowly pushes one in, being as careful as possible. Sam groans, arching his back when Bucky adds another finger a few moments after. He sets in on opening Sam up, loosely fingering him at the same time. 

Bucky moves back to sucking Sam off as he finishes stretching the man out. And then he's fingering the hell out of Sam, trying to figure out where his sensitive spot is. He knows when he finds it a moment later due to Sam almost screaming, his back arching off the seat. 

"Fuck, Bucky," he moans, dragging out the words. "Sir,  _fuck_ oh my god." 

Bucky would have grinned if his mouth wasn't full of Sam's cock. Instead he relentlessly fingers Sam, fingers hitting the same spot every time, and sucking his cock. Sam's a mess of babbling, panting, and moaning and Bucky loves it. 

"Sir, sir  _please_ , can I cum, I want to cum, ple _-_ _oh gods fuck_ -" His back arches again and he lets out a loud moan. He's so close and Bucky knows it. 

He removes his head for a moment, continuing to finger Sam, and says "Cum for me baby. Cum in my pretty little mouth," before starting to suck Sam off again. 

Sam evidently didn't need to be told again because seconds later he was screaming as he came, cock twitching in Bucky's mouth. Bucky swallows and removes his fingers and mouth, wiping his fingers on Sam's boxers. 

He sits back on his legs, watching Sam as he catches his breath and sits up. Sam pulls Bucky up by his shirt and kisses him roughly, tongues swirling in each other's mouth. The kiss didn't last long though, since Sam needed to catch his breath more. 

A few moments more and Sam had caught his breath and was biting his lip. "What about you?" he asks, referring to the fact that Bucky hadn't gotten off yet. 

Bucky simply shakes his head. "I'm okay. Promise. You'll just have to make it up to me next time." He winks at Sam, who chuckles. 

"Okay. Now can we go to bed? I'm fucking tired." 

Bucky nods, collecting Sam's stuff and helping him up. They both walked upstairs, Sam tugging Bucky into his room. Bucky dropped the clothes into the hamper and then turned to leave. 

"Where are you going?" comes Sam's voice before he can take more than a step. 

"To my room?"

"You just had your fingers in my ass and my cock in your mouth. I think we're okay sharing a bed." 

Bucky rolls his eyes and turns back to Sam, watching him pull on a clean pair of boxers. Sam then walks to his bed, gesturing for Bucky to come as well. He obeys, taking off his shirt and pants before laying beside Sam, careful not to lay on his wing. 

They snuggled up to each other, both on their side, chests together. Sam had moved down a bit so his head could comfortably sit under Bucky's. He kisses the other man's neck softly before closing his eyes, one hand against his chest and the other wrapped around his back. 

Bucky hums softly, contentedly, and closes his eyes as well, drifting off to sleep a bit later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> akaksksksn wow I'm late with this chapter but oops  
> leave me nice comments n shit  
> my snapchat is gh0st-babe, instagram is gh0st__b0y, and my tumblr is gh0st--babe,,,,, come interact with me pls

**Author's Note:**

> leave me nice comment n shit pls  
> my tumblr is gh0st--babe.tumblr.com  
> pls come show me love


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